It's 1 : 13 am and I lay in my bed wide awake. I've been praying and talking to my daddy (God) for a while now but all I know to do now is...blog, so here goes. You might know me, you might not or you might know me and not really know what all is going on in my life here lately but the last month has been a world-wind. Both happy and sad but all in the process of teaching me to to just trust my Father more.
I was dating a guy that seemed to be perfect but after much seeking and prayer, the Lord confirmed that He had better plans for me. I had to somehow find the words to tell this guy that it wasn't going to work out. If you know me, I'm better with a pen (or keyboard in this case) than I am with words but I knew it was the thing I had to do. I'm going to be honest and admit that I knew it for a while before I actually talked to him, but I was miserable the entire time. All I could think about was the disobedience that I was living in and the sadness that my heavenely Father probably felt; although, those thoughts were overpowered by my flesh. You see, I've been somewhat single my entire life. I've never had the long relationship or the in-love experience but in a weird way, I'm thankful for that. Even when I wasn't living for the Lord, he truly protected my heart from the guys of this world. Even when my own efforts didn't help what His plans were for me, he kept my heart and I'm thankful for that. But all that to say, in this specific instance, I allowed my flesh to rule. I was in a place where the thoughts and loneliness was almost all I thought about. I knew that if I broke it off with him that I would go back to being "the beautiful, Christ-loving girl that is STILL single" by everyone that knows me and to be honest, "I" wasn't okay with that. I almost had myself talked into justifying the situation and to just not change anything, but the Lord had other plans. He has just been so patient with me through this entire situation and I can only thank Him for his goodness and strength because without Him, I'd be defeated.
Anyways, back to the point of this post. So, I took the plunge and ended it with the guy. It was difficult and I might have not explained to him in the best way but it was something that is deeper than words. It's one of those instances where you just KNOW that you're in the will of the Lord and when people ask why, all you can say is "I just know." Of course he didn't understand but due to a lack of words, we weren't raised the same and that probably has a lot to do with it. I was raised in a Holy-spirit filled home with parents that taught me to pray until I hear or He moves and that is exactly what I did. Parents that have never held me back from what the Lord has called me to do and always showed me that living in His will is better than in the acceptance of man. He, on the other hand was raised in a home that just lived their life believing in Jesus but not really living IN him and that's where the "unequally yoked" part comes in. If you know me, you might be skeptical at this point because I'm not one that settles for just anyone, but I am human and like I said, I was tired of being "that single girl". So as I explained to this guy that I was moving 4,000 miles away because that was the will of the Lord, he thought I was absurd...but now looking back, it was just a test. And one that I passed thank God. I'm not going to say that it was easy and that I didn't or maybe still don't have regrets (for a milli-second), but then I think of the fullness I feel now that I know I am living in obedience to my heavenly Father.
Since then, I've gone back to being the girl that is single but like always I'm joyful and completely content in that place. Yes, I've had good days and bad days but all have come with fulfillment in my Lord Jesus. This situation has been such a learning experience and has truly grown my faith so much. I see this season of new things and continued singleness as a blessing. I do still somewhat desire that significant other in my life, but I desire His presence and His plan more than my fleshy desires. I'm learning that one of the biggest things that I can continue to learn is that God's plan for my life will always surpass the plan I have for myself. I do sometimes this about my future with a Godly man, great relationships with my friends and family and being successful - all those are wonderful things and yes, it's true that God withholds no good thing from those who love Him, but God's plan for my life might not always appear to be attractive. Sometimes His plan for me doesn't even look like what I "think" God's plan for me should look like, but then I'm reminded of Abraham and Joseph and Mary and Christ himself. You see, Abraham would have never that that God's plan for Him would be to become a dad at 100 years of age, Joseph never thought that his being sold into slavery would be the very thing that would lead him into being a governor in Egypt, people never expected that the Messiah would come into the world through an insignificant teenage girl, Jesus' death on the cross looked like defeat for the disciples at first, but all these instances were all the perfect plan of God. His plan will not always be what I expect, but His ways are higher, His ways are better and He is worthy of trust in every area of my life. And I challenge you to live your life with that in mind. . . I know I do.
-In, for & because of Christ.
bcj
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