JUST BE STILL.

Sitting in the sunniest spot I could find this morning, 

I read these 2 verses over and over again.

        "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:4-5

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I read it...over and over and over again. My hand shook as I wrote in my journal, pouring out my heart to the Lord. 

Abide in Me. 

Sometimes we have to surrender things to Christ that we do not want to. Sometimes it is easy & freeing, other times it is the hardest thing we think we will ever have to go through. But John 15 reminds us that we must abide in Him at all times and sometimes that means surrendering the things that are keeping us from that constant and un-relenteless abiding that He calls us to. 

As I look back on my life, I've had to surrender a number of things (as all of you have). But even today, even while I'm walking in such a deep and violent love relationship with Him, I feel the Lord is still pressing that same truth into my heart: "ABIDE IN ME DAUGHTER." Through all of the changes, transitions, ups and downs, God has remained faithful. Not only is He the steady Rock on which I can lean on, but He's also faithfully working in me. For these past couple of years, I've questioned myself a lot on what it truly means to abide in Him and how can I do it most fruitfully? And lately, I'm finally realizing what He truly means when He commands us to do it.

Abide involves rest. It involves dwelling and staying. It includes being with Jesus - not so much doing. Doing flows out of our being. It comes after we fully rest in Jesus - after we know who we are in Him, and who He truly is. 

In the past, the Lord has shown me that I often put my identity in what I did, instead of who He said I was. Like me in the past, you might struggle with "performance identity". If you don't know me, I'll tell you that I'm a "get it done" type of person but I also enjoy organized chaos. But so often, I have found myself telling myself...do this, check that off, go do that, be busy & productive, go, go, go. I've truly experienced monumental growth with this area of my life in the past two years. But even in the last couple of weeks, the Lord is really bringing me to the place of full realization to what abiding is. Since I've been immersed in hard work but easy relaxation, His creation, true seeking and one of the most amazing communities I've ever been a part of...the Lord is beginning to reveal to me how much more I can abide in Him. A part of me has begun to crumble. I'm working this summer in a totally undistracted environment, without the busyness of city life and having the "American Dream"shoved down my throat by the world. I'm totally in a place to serve and disciple and it humbles me to the point of tears every morning when I wake up and realize  the place He has brought me to. I awake every morning with a surprise to what I will do and encounter that day. I might be doing something creative, or cleaning and refilling 400 amenity bottles, or rafting down the Klamath River or (my favorite) just simply getting to meet with the precious girls I get to disciple and just enjoy my sisters in Christ. But the beautiful thing about each of these random acts is that I don't have to prove myself in any of them. And that is totally freeing for a child of Christ. I don't have to do things perfectly or be anxious when I don't get all 297 things done that we have to do before guests arrive in 3 days. I can rest. I can be thankful. I can abide. God wants me to simply BE WITH HIM - present - with whatever I'm doing. To give thanks. To ask for help. To rejoice. To laugh. To pray. To trust. I'm learning to slow down. To say no to striving and anxiety. To be content and thankful when it's just me and Him. 

I learned very quickly that striving for perfection and finding my (or your) identity in performance, is not God's plan or His best. This isn't what He wants for us. Yes, He wants us to work hard. Yes, He wants us to be faithful and to serve. Yes, He wants us to use our gifts that He has given us. However, our value and identity are not found in the things we do. Our identity is found in who Jesus says we are - and He says we are His, loved, cherished, redeemed, set apart, His inheritance, His children. You don't work for your dad to have Him love you; He simply loves you because you are His child. And so it is with Jesus - He loves us simply because we are His, not because of what we do. God is after our heart and our relationship with Him, instead of what we do for Him. Yes, we are to obey Him and serve, but out of a heart that already knows and rests in who we are in Him - we serve out of love, not out of fear. 

There are different seasons for everything. For me, this is a season of hard work but simple rest as well. A season to go back to the basics, to remember that ultimately what matters is my relationship with Jesus - to go back to my first love. To not think of Him as my employer, but my King and Savior - my Friend and Salvation. To be with Him and to know that I can't do anything apart from Him. I don't need to prove myself, I just get to be with Him and let His love and light shine forth. He's been showing me this truth through all the changes these past years. Whatever season you find yourself in today, know that He is calling you to abide in Him. To come and rest with Him. To find your identity in Him and then do whatever He leads you to out of a heart that rests. You don't have to prove anything to Him. 

So, I encourage you today to stop being anxious and trying to strive to be at a certain place. 

Just be still and become captured by Him. 

I've learned first hand that when we are captured and captivated who Jesus is, 

we'll be empowered and equipped to resist the constant temptation to settle for anything less. 

We were all once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaved to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, He saved us. Not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to His own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior. So that being justified by His grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life. 

Titus 3:3-7